National Clothesline

I was walking through a bookstore two weeks ago when I noticed that The Elements of Style by Strunk and White had been published in a fourth edition.

This 95-page gem is the best book on writing available, despite (or because of) its length. I bought it, placing it next to my copies of the

second and third editions, which are well worn.

If Strunk and White can make better writers in less than 100 pages, I thought, why couldn ’t I make better employers in a single column in the National Clothesline? After all, the Gettysburg Address is less than 200 words, yet it defines a nation. With Strunk, White, and Lincoln in mind, I give you Kollman ’s Quick and Easy Elements of Labor and Employment Law.

Rule One. Find out what employment laws apply to your business. Even if you do not understand them, you should know what they are intended to do.

For example, state wage payment and collection laws are intended to prevent most deductions from employee paychecks. There is no excuse for not knowing basic discrimination law.

Rule Two. Hire the best supervisors; train them. An untrained supervisor is like a loaded gun with the safety filed off. Do not expect great employees to become great supervisors. Different skills are involved.

Rule Three. Hire and consult lawyers who solve your employment problems, not create them. You cannot be expected to understand all labor and employment laws (see Rule One). Get help.

Rule Four. Pay every employee for every hour of the work day; pay overtime after 40 hours; and dock no one ’s pay unless you are certain the Fair Labor Standards Act permits otherwise. Almost every employer is in violation of the FLSA, and the law favors employees over employers. Never assume your pay policies are unassailable.

Rule Five. Be consistent in discipline and discharge. Inconsistencies must be explained for reasons unrelated to race, sex, age, disability, etc.

If inconsistencies abound at your workplace, reissue rules of conduct and announce to the workforce that past practice no longer applies. While reissuing rules is not foolproof, it is better than doing nothing.

Rule Six. Generate paper. Documentation is better than your memory. Employers should write counseling memos, disciplinary warnings, evaluations, and other personnel documents to justify employment actions.

If you are not a good writer, buy Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style. Remember, an oral warning cannot be made an exhibit; a written warning can.

Rule Seven. Hire the best people. Fire marginal or bad employees. Reward good employees.

Rule Eight. There are no secrets in the workplace, except from the boss. You cannot expect employees to keep secrets, but you can expect employees to remember when you dealt with other employees in an inconsistent manner (see Rule Five).

Rule Nine. Talk to your employees and know what is going on (see Rule Eight). Lack of communication fosters hostility, resentment, and lapses in productivity. Meet with supervisors and employees regularly.

Rule Ten. Have an employee handbook, which should include procedures for reporting sexual and other harassment.

On the topic of sexual harassment, keep the workplace free of vulgar, boorish, and juvenile language and behavior. Take action to stop such behavior when you see it.

Rule Eleven. Base all employment decisions on the following criterion: “Can I convince 12 jurors and one judge that my decision is fair?”

Rule Twelve. Find out what notices you are required to post — and post them. Find out what records you need to keep (and for how long); keep them. Repeat Rules One through Eleven.

Four hours and seven minutes ago, I brought forth upon this paper the elements of labor and employment law, conceived in Baltimore and dedicated to the proposition that nothing in labor and employment law is easy. It may not be Lincoln, but it is brief. Follow these 12 rules, and your business shall not perish from the earth.