National Clothesline

I am told by doctors that people should do everything they can to stay out of the hospital.

People who enter a hospital run the risk of getting sicker than they were when they got there. Because you are exposed to other people with different illnesses than you have, you run the risk of going in with one disease and coming out — or not coming out — with another.

Courtrooms are like hospitals. You should do everything you can to avoid going into one.

Government agencies are like hospitals. You should do everything you can to have no contact with any government agency.

Judges and arbitrators are imperfect souls who bring their biases and prejudices into their decision-making. I'm not saying they are necessarily dishonest; I'm just saying that their view of the world may cause them to make the wrong decision.

If you are a judge who spent most of your legal career representing plaintiffs against insurance companies, you will be more inclined to think that insurance companies should never be believed.

If you spent most of your legal career representing unions, you will find it difficult to rule in favor of an employer. In close cases, judges and arbitrators almost always act based upon their biases.

Government agencies are filled with employees with similar biases and prejudices. In addition, government employees, more so than private employees, tend to get angry when they don't get their own way. These employees took those jobs for reasons that do not bode well for business.

People do not accept jobs with the Occupational Safety and Health Administration for the purpose of making sure that employers are protected from unfair enforcement.

People do not go to work for Equal Employment Opportunity Commission because they think that employers are frequently unfairly accused of discrimination.

People do not do the work for the National Labor Relations Board to prevent unions from hurting employers.

Most of the people who go to work for government agencies either start out thinking that the businesses they regulate are evil, or they end up believing that because they are confronted at times with businesses that have, in fact, violated the law.

I have been practicing law over 30 years, and I can state without equivocation that the government hates to be told “no." In fact, telling the government no will frequently result in behavior bordering on “revenge.” It is frightening, especially when the government employee who is on a crusade is a prosecutor.

One would think that a government lawyer wants to do the right thing. Unfortunately, government lawyers want to win cases every bit as much as lawyers who represent businesses.

Therefore, I recommend that you do everything you can to stay out of court. You should also do everything you can to stay out of government offices.

How do you do that? Read on.

First, do what you can to understand the laws that apply to your business. Recently, based on an article I wrote here, a drycleaner called to ask where to get copies of OSHA regulations applicable to drycleaners.

Believe it or not, OSHA has a pretty good website, and the information can be found there quickly. This drycleaner now knows what the regulations are that are applied to his business, and it will have an easier time responding to a compliance officer who appears at its door.

Many times, government investigators will back off if they are convinced that you understand the applicable laws and are following them. If you act confused, they frequently ratchet up their investigation.

Second, think. Use common sense. Evaluate every business decision you make, especially with respect to personnel, to determine whether you could convince a judge, jury, or government official that the decision you made was fair.

While I understand “fairness” is not a legal standard, it is the standard many decision-makers — judges, juries, and government employees — use to determine whether to rule in a company's favor. When I am preparing for a trial, I will talk to strangers in bars and airports about the case to make sure that I can convince the average person that my client has done the right thing.

Third, stay up to date. Read industry publications, such as the National Clothesline. The Internet has numerous resources you can check on a daily basis. While I recommend staying away from government agencies, I am very much in favor of visiting government websites.

Finally, find a good accountant and a good lawyer. A good lawyer will give you the kind of advice that will keep you out of court. A good accountant will keep you out of trouble with the IRS.

And stay out of hospitals.